Listening

Listening is a sign of respect. Respect is the key word. When someone says, “You’re not listening,” they are actually thinking, “You’re not showing me the respect I think I deserve.” Therefore, when you say things like, “That makes sense.  Let me think about it,” or “I hadn’t thought of it that way,” you are really saying, “I respect you and your intellect.” Those words lead to very positive impressions of your listening ability. When it comes to listening, the fascinating part is that we rarely think of it in the context of communicating.  Usually when the request for “communication skills” or “communication training” comes, it’s in reference to speaking, delivering a message, or answering questions.  In fact, most of our communication during the day involves listening and not telling. We have two ears and one mouth; therefore, we should listen twice as much as we speak. However, when there are concerns around listening, it is usually the “art” not the “act” of listening in question.

The art of listening involves behaviors, usually nonverbal, to indicate that you hear what the person is saying and processing the information. It can be a simple head nod, eyebrow squint, or “uh huh.” As a matter of fact, when people look at the phones, don’t provide eye contact, or even interrupt, they may have physiologically heard the message.  However, they don’t come across as demonstrating the respect desired from the art of listening.