THE TOOLKIT
You cannot not communicate.
Other than the double negative, this is very simple. Behavior is communication. As a matter of fact, when people ask me about my background or my schooling I typically say, “I studied communication,” but it could have easily been called behaviorism. I focused on interpersonal and organizational communication, which is really the study of interpersonal and organizational behaviors.”
Since behavior is communication, and we are always behaving, acting and reacting, we are always communicating. I love to challenge people. Standing in front of a room, I will say, “I challenge you not to communicate.” The first reaction everyone has it to stop talking. This is one of those, I-don’t-know-why-but-it-happens reactions. People immediately associate speaking with communicating. As people sit there quietly, they start to giggle a bit or look around trying to focus on anything but me or stare intently in my direction. In its funniest moment, I even had someone pass gas during the dead silence. As you may imagine, there was quite a bit of communication going on there. In any event, they are all communicating a message. The gigglers are communicating, “This is silly.” The eye contact averters are communicating, “I’m going to ignore you.” The starers are communicating, “I’m going to prove you wrong.” And the “gas man” was communicating, “I had beans for lunch.” All of them are behaving, so all of them are communicating.
Think about this situation. A woman is running down the hall. She has a handful of files, folders, and papers. She trips a bit outside your door and drops half of her items on the floor. She bends down, picks them up, and shakes her head from side-to-side. She then takes off and continues down the hall. What is she communicating? What impression(s) has she created?
- She is in a hurry.
- She is flustered.
- She is late.
- She is stressed.
- She is disappointed in herself.
- She is clumsy.
- She lacks composure.
- She doesn’t know how to delegate.
The answer is potentially, “All of the above.” Regardless of what the message or impression is, the important piece here is that a message has been communicated. Start asking yourself, “What impressions am I communicating?”